Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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