she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
