Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize