was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
