Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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