The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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