dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
