mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
