Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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