Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
