I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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