You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
don't judge my taste in strippers
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
