so explain again why im purple
no
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
