...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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