the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
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so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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