My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
