i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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