I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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