the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize