you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's the barista slut.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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