I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
