Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness