Christians are straight up FREAKS
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!