His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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