I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.