tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize