i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize