I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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