So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again