I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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