actually, I'm a sock model
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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