the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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