Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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