Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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