Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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