the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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