I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
