So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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