Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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