I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
