Your face is a jimmy john
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this beer tastes like vomit already
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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