I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i believe in u and ur pee
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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