just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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