...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize