dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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