Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
