this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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