I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So here I am, sexting at work.
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