i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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