You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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