My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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