He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
