OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
